SLOW TRAUMA, by Bill Mallonee (March/2016)

SLOW TRAUMA

by Bill Mallonee (March/2016)

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hdgs1000 The back to back songs Ironclad & High-beam are more tremendous than I can describe. These are two of my all time favorites. Sad but hopeful. Love this album! Favorite track: HIGH~BEAM.

norman shepherd The perfect record. Favorite track: IRONCLAD.

Craigory Bacon Since 2013's Dolorosa, Bill Mallonee has been perfecting his self-produced High Desert Album. While the themes and characters remain familiar, the arrangements, performances, and mixes on Slow Trauma take another mesa-sized leap forward. This is lush Americana that feels like you've hitch-hiked stretches of the Southwest that you've never even seen. There's a reason that No Depression magazine keeps hyping Mallonee's work, and this album wears that rationale on its sleeve. Favorite track: HIGH~BEAM.

Nick Green Whatever is as hard as hell is what you shouldn't carry- fine advice from the great man for 2016 and beyond

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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, & WEST, ABOVE, BELOW & WITHIN (free single from Orphan Songs 2018), Here It Opens With A Prayer, But It Closes With A Song, A CLAMORING OF GHOSTS (2021), STUNNED (an anniversary song), "Lead On, Kindly Light" & "This World & One More" 2020, ORPHAN SONGS (2018), NEED TO BLEED (expanded version) Bill Mallonee & Vigilantes of Love, FOREST FULL OF WOLVES (2018), and 81 more. , and , .
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1.	ONLY TIME WILL TELL 04:47	lyrics	buy track
Only Time Will Tell words & music: bill mallonee Burlington/Northern; Old Santa Fe Just an old brakeman; 3 dollars a day Star-shine is my friend and the pulse of the rails where it's all going? Only time will tell All those company men and the plain curious Seeking their fame & fortune opening up the West Parcelling out the earth with the barbed wire & hard sell Where it's all going? Only time will tell You got your bonanza towns and turning up the soil a kind of madness taking hold Change is coming fast so I am told Who knows if our heavy hearts could ever bear the load? Flash of a coin and we go under the spell Where it's all going? Only time will tell
2.	WAITING FOR THE STONE TO BE ROLLED AWAY 05:30	lyrics	buy track
Waiting For The Stone (To Be Rolled Away) words & music: bill mallonee There's a halogen glow cast from across the street From the parking lot of the Holy Spirit Assembly It's a beacon in the desert night until the break of day Waiting the stone to be rolled away I told Solomon, the shepherd of the flock I've got none of the gifts that he's got You see, you cannot speak in tongues, if you've got nothing to say waiting the stone to be rolled away Now, the brightest plastic flowers, I've ever found Decorate the beds of the sleepers awaiting the trumpet sound You know it's so hard to get clean and it's hard to stay that way Waiting for the stone to be rolled away Baby, gimme those keys, sit back & just watch me Navigate this thing back home with considerable ease Down these sad, back streets of doubt to a new & brighter day Waiting for the stone to be rolled away
3.	HOUR GLASS/Only So Many Grains of Sand 03:49	lyrics	buy track
Hour Glass (Only So Many Grains of Sand) words & music: bill mallonee Well, the heroes always died with just the right words on their tongues In the arms of the most beautiful woman you ever laid your eyes on He'd kiss her tenderly and then he'd breathed his last Only so many grains of sand in the hour glass They went down guns a-blazing; they went down with a prayer on their lips They went down with swords a-flailing; they went down with sinking ships Went down with flags a-waving, after the die was cast Only so many grains of sand.....in the hour glass Now the woman? She would rise after the hero's bitter end. She'd gaze off in the distance and here is where the strings come in Maybe one day every flag is gonna have to fly at have mast Only so many grains of sand.....in the hour glass
4.	WPA /When I Get To Where They're Taking Us 04:17	lyrics	buy track
WHEN I GET TO WHERE THEY'RE TAKING US words/music: bill mallonee Say a "good~bye" to your small town Say "hello" to your new life that's been drowning in the dust Say "good~bye" to the family I promise I'll write regularly when i get to where they're taking us Burlington/Northern...old Santa Fe silver rails gleaming like a quarter and there's n'er a trace of rust treat everyone fairly I promise I'll write regularly when i get to where they're taking us bridge: tossing you a scrap...throwing you a crust it's all ashes to ashes and dust to dust Well, they say you can't ever miss what was never yours to keep i see you when i close my eyes, honey you're all i'll ever trust Say "good~bye" to the family I promise I'll write regularly when i get to where they're taking us
5.	IRONCLAD 04:09	lyrics	buy track
Ironclad words & music: bill mallonee You can tell when the trains are crashing It all plays out in such a sad fashion And the things you chase just to set cha free 'Course there were never any ironclad guarantees. Wind the tape back to the very start And offer up another broken heart Georgia never was a place i could call home Too many paths to navigate with those on the throne And it's good to know when to stay & when to flee Every truth worth learning is right there on the streets Things looking pretty dark & pretty cold Every man has his price; every soul it's threshold Something 'bout throwing caution to the wind Something 'bout the flock being gathered in
6.	HIGH~BEAM 04:29	lyrics	buy track
High~Beam words & music: bill mallonee If ya' care to listen, ah but even if you don't I got over needing you a long time ago I took great pains to know you & I gave you all my best I was living to make you smile. I was dying to impress chorus: But, all this gettin' born...all these rose & thorns and the confusing parts Well, I cobbled a life together with them just to watch it fall a part Well, i took it to the road; these skeleton dreams Wrapped 'em in an old suit, railroads & high~beams My pen? It never went dry; This guitar could always woo Till my soul was the color of box car rust & my heart was big sky blue Whatever is heavy as hell is what you shouldn't carry I wrote my prayers & S.O.S. on the bar stationary From where i stumbled last night; staggerin' right back to the start What you learn comes the hard way; and softly breaks your heart
7.	DOLDRUMS IN DENVER 04:15	lyrics	buy track
Doldrums In Denver words & music: bill mallonee No, it's not really a good time. No, it rarely is these days. Loneliness she washes over you like a wave; And the snow is ever falling down Doldrums in Denver...Doldrums in Denver And it's time you leave this town...There ain't nothing for you now Losing streaks? Their eyes will meet till you think the deck is stacked Lady Luck? She grabbed her keys and she headed out the back And the snow is ever falling down
8.	THE KING'S HIGHWAY 05:03	lyrics	buy track
The King's Highway (New Set of Wheels) words & music: bill mallonee Well, you didn't come with much and God? He only knows You won't be leaving with a lot when you go And go you surely will & if you're lucky you'll be missed You can go with God or with a clenched fist I remember clearly when I first pulled into town There was something in the air, there was something in the ground Something in the language all broken and fractured Harsh & cold & always manufactured... The Great Beyond is gonna have to wait another day But, you'll get a new set of wheels on the King's Highway A new set of wheels on the King's Highway You're gonna have to speak up when talking to the deaf I say a prayer while still holding my breath Too many tears in this dry & barren land Too many ghosts inside every man Could be soon, could be far but that's not mine to say You'll get a new set of wheels on the King's Highway Just another road song for the radio to play You'll get a new set of wheels on the King's Highway
9.	THAT LAST HILL 04:47	lyrics	buy track
THAT LAST HILL words/music: bill mallonee You write such things when the last few grains of sand fall through the slender neck of the hour glass come what may come what will i just wanna see over that last hill It's funny how things can get so damn misplaced where you bet the farm and where you put your faith you know time is such a precious thing to kill i just wanna see over that last hill will my highbeams flood the plain? will the gatekeeper know my name will there be someone to claim me for his own?  Well, you whisper to yourself when time runs low Darling, I'll carry every smile we shared with me when i go Lord, gather me unto Thyself when my wayward heart grows still i just wanna see over that last hill i wanna see over that last hill
10.	ONE & THE SAME (Slow Trauma coda) 01:06	lyrics	buy track
One & The Same words/music: bill mallonee What you hold onto and what you let go of and what you should give away What's gonna save you and what makes you smile? Sometimes, they are one and the same

about

NOTE: THE CD VERSION OF THIS ALBUM IS AVAILABLE AT: www.billmalloneemusic.com

SLOW TRAUMA~ A brief preface by Bill Mallonee
"Of Inspiration/Birth & Grieving"
Muriah & I have lived out here in the rural, high desert of New Mexico for the last 6 years. With a home studio that I feel increasingly comfortable in, I've hit a creative output that's unlike anything I've ever done previously. It's been a journey lyrically & musically.
I saw David Bowie in the Elephant Man. And a line he delivered will always move me to tears: "There are so many ideas in my head that sometimes I feel like it will explode."

There are 4 "high desert" albums, to my ears, standout, each with a particular view, role and "destination" in my life. Those albums are "Dolorosa,"Winnowing," "Lands & Peoples."
And now "Slow Trauma.
All have been born in the last 3 years. The "family" is growing! ;-)
(As a side: I consider Amber Waves & The Power & The Glory" to be Vigilantes of Love albums).

What to say? With each release there's grieving. I grieve mostly because each of the albums is a rending of the spirit to write, record and deliver. And yes, there's a lot of "sweat equity" in them as well.

Me? I hate and abhor the self-promo thing that artists have to do these days. It all feels hollow, insincere and stupid. "Let the Art speak and get out of the way," I say.
I have no idea how to move these musical "statements" into higher profile. Not being able to afford the price tags of PR entities and not willing to do the "shuck & jive" required to whore one's wares to Nashville, I tend to write, record, release them...and then make a certain uneasy peace with low numbers.

I need your word of mouth to make the records get up and walk, to find a new audience and to breathe their spirit in a bigger world;
SO: If you feel inclined to "share" a few songs with friends, talk it up and promote it a bit?
Well, I'm much obliged.
Grace & Courage,
~ Bill Mallonee
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Liner Notes to Slow Trauma

“Oh, Death!”
In the “old days,” there were called liner notes; You know: Those written extrapolations an artist would offer about his or her new album.
Usually part of an LP's back cover or inner sleeve, they formed a major feature in an album's art work.

As a kid, drums were my first instrument. They were learned in a dusty basement with a stack of old LPs, my first real school-room;
And liner notes? (the ones complete with the who played what?)
I thought they were the coolest thing on earth.
I still do.

Many of you know, I like writing about what’s “behind the work;”
A peering through the cracked window into the collection of songs;
You know, the inspiration, the etcetera, etcetera…

I suppose in a day and age, where fewer and fewer people read, it’s all just a vain exercise now. Selfish perhaps.
For me? Maybe, it’s just my little way of scrawling out: “Kilroy was here.”
(A fascinating historical sidebar: Kilroy was presumably an American soldier in WWII, who inscribed his presence here and there across Europe on things like Church steeples or walls, as the Allies liberated Nazi held territories. Get this: No one knows where it originated or who he (or she) was.

C’est la Vie & so be it…

“Slow Trauma” is the name of the new one. It drops/releases on 3.15.16.
It’s getting close to something like album #80 for me…
Kilroy has been here a few times

Sure, it’s an Americana record. And an “honest-to-God” Rock & Roll record, too.
That’s what I do.
That’s the “genre” where I feel most comfortable in my “musical skin.”

It’s also, very much a record about Death.
Let me explain…

I always felt the world was “off axis.” Not “the thing it should be.”
I knew early on “I” was part of the problem, as well.
And of course, good people, friends, loved ones “leave the party too soon…”
Mortality.
(“How’s that again?”)

For me anyway, doctrines like “The Fall of Man” mattered a lot. I gravitated there in an effort to make sense of it all…
In a very existential way they mattered.
It matters not whether such concepts be rooted in ancient history or deeply accurate mythology; Such doctrines are our attempt to explain how “modern man” has gotten “from A to B;” You know: How we arrived (in our oh-so-enlightened modernity) at this point on the timeline.

Arrived. Arrived here. Arrived in the “now.”
Arrived confused, beleaguered & deviled;
Our spirits permeated with a kind of numbness, wrapped in a kind of spiritual lethargy, stunted; Arrived cold & weary.
Arrived as a race of people given to fear, greed, cruelty. Garnished with a lust for violence and domination.
Its been going on forever…For. Ever.
No, we’re not so very modern after all, really.

Death. Cessation.
A component of my interior world.
I feel like I’ve been staring it down in one form or another all of my life.
I’ve been “institutional material” once or twice.
It has certainly shaped my melancholy temperament and driven my art in noticeable ways.

I know some movements across the spectrum of human history have glorified it, romanticized it, even reveled in it…
Death. What’s to revel in?
Me? I don’t see it that way. At all.
I think it’s more like an aberration.
A blasphemy.
God, damn it. (That’s a prayer. Not an expletive.)

The idea of the cessation of life has haunted me ever since I was oh, 7 or 8 years old.
Too young to feel or sense guilt about anything, as far as I remember.
Later on, I did heavy-duty “homework” on the Christian Faith.
And yes. I converted. It was a few moments, days of indescribable joy & confidence…
And then it all vanished in the shame of failures. Maybe it was my complete unfamiliarity and naivete of what the spiritual life was all about.
One’s prayers feel like they hit the ceiling and fall to the floor.
Guilt makes one alone and silent.
A babe lost in the woods…

I studied the Life of Jesus, the Lord, the Savior; I still do.
Learned about the Church’s history, it’s beauty, it’s heinous failures, it’s claims, and promises.

For me, the question was: How does one reconcile that tension/fear of death with it’s visceral dynamic with the hope of Christ’s Resurrection and it’s promise of our own?
I don’t know.

But, this is all too esoteric, isn’t it…?
I’ll play my hand.
I was always “weighed & found wanting.”
The unequivocal mood of my interior life? Feelings of damnation.
Like some dark beast crouching in the corner of my consciousness, it was almost always “there.” Watching, waiting, unrelenting.
I spent years struggling with the deeper aspects of Mercy & Forgiveness, mostly because, from day one, I felt so unworthy of any of it…and because my own “holiness” has always been crap anyway. I struggle to “see myself” as even remotely redeemable.
No “gussying-up” any of this.
(Recently, I’m wondering if it’s the “raw data” of good songs…
Well, at least the kind of songs I like write.)

The state of my soul has always been one of disarray and doubt;
Grievous sin and inconsistency.
And, I mention this, because the state of one’s soul has always been irrevocably linked to death and the hereafter.
The solution, in Christianity, has always been the Cross of Christ and the defeat of Death itself in his Resurrection.
That’s the Creed’s declaration, you know?
My ability to grasp these beautiful truths by faith, to see oneself as a forgiven child of God, has always felt elusive.
Perhaps, i was/am still trying to “earn it.”

Still, the visible Church (it seems to me) often spends much of her time putting boundaries on just how far and to whom the Cross of Christ reaches; boundaries on just how far His Mercy reaches and how efficacious His Grace is.
No wonder eyes roll and hearts despair.

I must tell the whole truth, however:
On my “better days,” I have no doubts.
Well, fewer.
Love Wins,
Grace Triumphs
And that we’re all made Whole.
And I do mean “ALL.”
Everyone.
Every. One.
"He Is Risen," goes the Easter liturgy.
And you & I, the stumbling, wayward congregation of the spiritually poor, blind, sin-sick and lame respond:
"He Is Risen, Indeed!"
I'm there.

So: All of this interior turmoil & wrangling?
What of it?
Well, it’s the stuff of songs, I think.
It’s been just under the skin, or right out in the open of almost every song I’ve ever written; some 1500 in all, I think…
Cheap therapy, I say…

Slow Trauma. No, not all gloom & darkness…
I promise.
Sonically, i went for the elegant; layered guitars and rock & roll;
And yes, I think there are a few transcendent moments.

At some point (in the face of the all the “absurdity” that manifest in this thing we call Life) I think one has to say with Julian of Norwich, that great mystic who was so not a part of her century: “All shall be well and all manner of things shall be most well.”

Slow Trauma
Hope & Joy do come up in the “plus column.”
But, that’s AFTER the wrestling & wrangling.
Wrestling and wrangling. Through the feelings of hopelessness & damnation.
“That’s what faith is all about, Charlie Brown.” ~ St. Linus

There is so very much I have to rejoice in; so much to be thankful for.
The gift of writing songs, playing instruments is, making records is perhaps, my favorite.
And yes, I see all of it coming very much “from the hands of the Lord.”
He knew I needed this. And that is His Mercy, as well.

You make certain peace with the fact of your own mortality; and your own sad, stumbling, “lacking-in-courage-humanity” at some point.
(Why was I the last to know about my own “Judas skin” that I’m so comfortably living in?)
At some point, you’re not surprised at yourself anymore.

But, really now?
An album that explores some of that?
I dunno how you ‘sell” that, but that’s what it is.
Then again, I hardly sell any records anymore anyway.

Jesus,
I can bring You nothing. Never have, mostly likely never will.
But, sometimes, sometimes I have these “better angels of our nature” days…
I’m Yours, Jesus, if You’ll have me.

Slow Trauma.
Life beckons. You only get the day, one day at a time…
And the world? It is starving and hurting.
Best get about doing one’s part to lessen the grief.
Do your part, in your corner and among your friends, to kick at the darkness and at death itself.

That’s some of what this album is about…
“Kilroy was here.”

bill mallonee
Lent 2016

credits

released March 15, 2016

Bill Mallonee: vocals, guitars of various shapes, sizes and dispositions, basses, drums, harps, string arrangements.
Muriah Rose: piano, organ, vocals

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about

Bill Mallonee

Bill Mallonee is an Americana artist w/ 80 plus albums over a 30 year career. Voted by Paste Music Magazine #65 in their "Top 100 Living Songwriters" poll. He was the
founding member of Vigilantes of Love. He has worked with Mark Heard, Buddy Miller, Emmylou Harris, & Peter Buck from REM.
His most recent work, "Lead On, Kindly Light" is a 23song double Cd released Feb 2020. ... more

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