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AUDIBLE SIGH​/​The Acoustic Renderings 1998

by Bill Mallonee

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1.
Hard Luck and Heart Attack Written by Bill Mallonee for CyBrenJoJosh (BMI) ©1998 clouds break for a moment when you're coming off desolation and frisco's your appointment you're the way you were before trying to gaze east but with no one to depend on and the blisters on your feet yeah from coming down the mountain your friends won't let you down but friends they're not the refuge you're tearing up the town with a hip flask of red wine scrawling visions buzzed in that five and dime notepad saving them just because angels seemed so sad a ticket from the coat-check girl her words and flesh they're laughing taking down her number on that lipstick-stained napkin sainthood for anyone yeah who knows you lose it to save it a prayer for everyone who's ever been out on the pavement a sound inside of me as i'm falling through the cracks hard luck and heart attack of hard luck yeah and heart attack arms around me if i'm going through the ceiling service stations of the cross yeah the doctors they need healing things clear for a moment when you're coming off desolation between nothing and the atonement it all bleeds behind your cadence Did You Know? Based loosely on the life of Jack Kerouac, this song was inspired by Kerouac's work entitled Desolation Angels. It opens with Jack atop Mount Desolation where he would do fire watch. It touches on his self destructive lifestyle, his partying trips to San Francisco and his belief in the innocence of American spirit. Bill attempted to write this song from Jack's mindset. ~ Jason Horst
2.
Your Part of the Story Written by Bill Mallonee for CyBrenJoJosh (BMI) ©1998 yeah you get to tell your part of the story yeah you get to live it for better or worse yeah your lips were alluring and slightly moist so let's kiss away our part of the curse we've been dragging our dreams across the asphalt and pavement try to speak of the gift yeah and the one who gave it but it's hard to distinguish to the untrained eye yeah this thing that you love but it's taking your life nothing feels as good as holding you again breath and whisper pressed up against the skin and oh that sweet caress we're so familiar with sooner or later yeah it comes down to this yeah it's all just gift that you're living with we've been digging through notebooks some empty some full yeah and mapping the caverns of our little skulls i've been trying to find something you might need maybe a little goodness in me good people have sent me these cards and letters say "we love what you do" suppose it makes me feel better but you can't carry the weight when you're so unstable you let us sleep in your beds yeah and eat at your table
3.
GO & ASK HER 03:48
Go and Ask Her Written by Bill Mallonee for CyBrenJoJosh (BMI) ©1996 a hard line taken every path you crossed baby what was never found is never lost long ago you stopped thinking about what it costs to live in this skin yes and all those men who ran out on you who climbed your mountain to steal their view well they took all the treasure but they left you with a mind full of nothing go and ask her you're innocent when you dream floated on down to new orleans with the drifters and the gamblers and the river boat queens we're all taking our chances on what we've never seen with our own two own eyes oh the first time i think i hear you say the word trust was one half prayer the other half curse i was hoping you'd think of me none for the worse for loving you you can build a big wall around your heart you can win all the battles before they start you could claw your way straight to top of the wreckage and bleed i wanna hold you in my arms at night what's it take to make life turn our right if love is the clue let's follow it right to eternity was watching you sleep it was late last night with a smile on your lips were you dancing in the light of a place where i i could not quite reach
4.
When You're Blinded by the Light Written by Bill Mallonee for CyBrenJoJosh (BMI) c.1997 trusted you until it hurt don't wanna go there for a while barely recognized the word i've been forgetting how to smile it's funny how supposed friends trip in here so fancy free ah but when the story ends we just rewrite our histories and it's no good telling stories when my ears are sealed up tight does no good to see the sunrise when you're blinded by the light gave you all the best we had of our labors and our trust played a benefit of doubt yeah but we couldn't raise enough bought a one-way ticket to nowhere on a ship called lost at sea well it was there i found my courage she was sleeping next to me Lord show to me Your face Lord show to me Your skin Lord show to me the places where they put the nails in gonna crawl in there with all my fears introduce them to my pretense yeah introduce them to my sorrows they'll become the best of friends Did You Know? Bill has introduced this song as being about humility and working through one of the hardest emotions, that being anger that ends up being self-righteous indignation. In the lyric sheet for the 'Cross the Big Pond EP, Bill says this song is about "betrayal and perspective - watch your heart." ~ Jason Horst
5.
She Walks on Roses Written by Bill Mallonee for CyBrenJoJosh (BMI) 1997 got a skeleton closet we've got a dreaded disease i been looking high and low for my skeleton key and they say that pride well it's is the chief of sins well i know all of his deputies i'm well acquainted with them yes she walks on water yes yes she walks on sky yes yes she walks on roses yes yes she walks on by she got a brand new ache she got a brand new crutch got a brand new scar take a lifetime to cover it up and this ground is barren honey this place was dry that's a long long time ago 'til i looked in your eye everybody got a secret deep under the ground you can take it out once in a while when there's no one around you can grab for it all yeah with your list of demands or you can come as a small child yeah with your empty hands
6.
Berlin in '53 words & music: Bill Mallonee BMI1995 i have a photograph detailing the matter quite a formidable pair they were full of grace and swagger those smiles are disarming it's like a drowning sensation their hands full of each other's highly classified information Berlin in '53 a young lieutenant i admire he took his young bride up in his arms they set the whole city on fire on fire it was saved from distraction on fire indeed with their love and passion he covered her with kisses he adorned her with praise she took him unto herself they set the whole city ablaze tear down those walls when she walked by in that dress melt all the stone hearts melt the machine gun nests and let freedom ring in that bloc to the east those two got a weapon they will soon unleash well the devil he roams the big machines they rust kingdoms rise and kingdoms fall trampled in the dust i saw it in that photograph they haven't stopped it yet whatever Romeo whispered to his sweet Juliet
7.
AUDIBLE SIGH 05:25
Audible Sigh Words & Music; Bill Mallonee for CyBrenJoJosh (BMI)1996 all these vain distractions yeah and the worship of the buck somewhere i think we gave out at this club called the out of luck it's deeper than the blackness yeah than all the blacktop holds starving for an omen and the spaces they're wide open and it's where you cast your heart tonight from your less than humble home and out here don't you learn to bleed like something from a deeper need yeah and all that's underneath unheard still unspoken in other words the open sky audible sigh a simple science and good report some human interaction feelings long since disappeared reported missing in action an image lands the knock out punch at the end of every quarter yeah and trends they are tomorrow's landmines we are always tripping over yeah and all the common standards and the measurements you use to judge the labors of your hands your threshhold of abuse yeah and failure she's a new-found friend you let her sleep once on the floor when you rise to check out yeah she follows to the door is it a sign you're getting sicker is it a sign you're almost well the way it is with skin and bones well who on earth could tell you pitch your tent and you sing your song by morning you're forgotten and we're falling off that old soap box and the chasm has no bottom Did You Know? This song is a demo from the Audible Sigh sessions, which did not make the final cut. Bill "cherry picked" lyrics from this song, using them in other tunes.
8.
a less forlorn early version of Solar System. Moonlight Dripping Words/Music Bill Mallonee come in here and have a taste hey really what's one more hopeless case after all that's been said and all that's been done there's a lot more said than ever gets done threw it all in a pack and left with a haste you walk away from once was never yours in the first place at the bar of what it might cost check all your burdens at the foot of the cross her lips were red and her hair was brown and you're feeling like the luckiest kid in town she says i'll follow you well to the ends of the earth said i'm not going that far for what it's worth i really love to see you like this the moonlight dripping from your fingertips when the short wave dies and there's no one to listen stars going cold in your solar system it's thick and thin and off through bad weather it takes just a promise to bind you together you put all your love where it hurts the most expect a little visit from the Holy Ghost this ground was barren this place was dry that's a long time before i looked in your eyes you spend a lifetime trying to find the words to use to tell about the thing that you're trying to lose
9.
My Year in Review words & Music: by Bill Mallonee for CyBrenJoJosh (BMI) ©1993/2002 all those nice little things you say oh i really appreciate them too all those kind little things you say keep those cards and letters coming too i spend a whole lot of time with my reconnaissance photographs irrefutable evidence never pleads on my behalf though they're not well developed my mind's eye sees them true all these little failures of my year in review there's a photographic essay and you know cameras they never lie little slips on little tongues and my stinking alibis let them stay unembellished let them say what will say they need no running commentary 'tween the pages of my days though they're not well developed they should tell the naked truth all these little failures of my year in review check my passport and credentials you see i come from a long lineage but down here in the darkroom you can manipulate the image yeah my snapshot emotions and the rough footage of my panic i'm a poor composition with a flair for the dramatic and i don't show them often oh you know what that might do all these little failures of my year in review
10.
Falling In and Out of Favor words & music by Bill Mallonee if you're standing without countenance out in the hungering dark you're stuck inside this compound of your twisted little heart all your phantoms finally fess up and reveal their true source all your life you're begging change outside the liquor store you're thirsty very thirsty although your cup is brimming starving yes you're starving although your plate is full we've been earning and slaving scratching and saving but never really gaining on it brother i have seen my dread condition oh when i told you so i'm used to this it's so cold oh see you later i'm falling in and out of favor ninety-nine of hard labor i'm falling in and out of favor oh my blessed Savior i'm falling in and out if you're stuck out on the ledge and at the end of your rope the rain is coming down in sheets soaked your last match of hope no alibis left upon this tongue not a single solitary one i'm falling off these high cliffs right into your arms we will crawl through this veil of tears that our own hands have made we will run through the fire hey we will remain unscathed draw the water of life from the Rock of our salvation lay down in those sweet dreams wait for all this unfinished business
11.

about

I remember autumn being super charged in Athens, Ga. that year.
A riot of colors, cascading sunlight changing daily by degrees.
The first chill in the air, but still enough warmth to shed that afternoon coat or sweater and breath in that elixir of the earth's glorious scent.
That smell of fecund earth, newly drenched with autumnal rains, then slowly growing sleepy and giving way to dormancy.

I've always lost myself in the last gasp of Autumn's "wild streak."

Which leads me to this:
How did this new chapter start?
Quire frankly, the "new" Vigilantes of Love was born at this time;
It all started in a small practice room.I'd sit for hours with guitar hand and lots of great coffee (via Jittery Joe's of Athens Jaw-Ja!);

And I'd write. All day. And often far into the night
Emotionally? Pretty sad. I was picking through the wreckage of what had been our deal with a major/minor label from 1992-1997.
We were 'free," so to speak with no where to go...but up.

As a band, it all felt young again. We had fine tuned our sound, cemented a solid line-up of great players; The new chemistry of friendships & working relationships was galvanized. magic was happening.
It was inspiring. I wrote about 100 songs over a year; (Sadly, quite a few of them have been lost. Cataloged on old cassette tapes, they've been lost via countless moves)
I wrote what was to become The Roof of the Sky, Audible Sigh and 'Cross the Big Pond. The pen just would not stop.
i wrote all these songs...and then me and my friends wnet out an played them. For you. and you...and you...

So, here ya' go:
Here was the first installment of songs that were later, learned, rehearsed and "owned" by Vigilantes of Love

These are rare versions of songs.
This is the first time they have been offered as a single, unified whole.
They're too well executed & played to qualify as "demos."
(Engineer Tom Lewis made sure these were recorded with width, depth, clarity & precision and with an emphasis on a relaxed atmosphere.)
Demos, I believe, are just sketches; These songs are...well, real finished songs. Hence the term "renderings."

These were songs are very dear to ,y heart. songs. Songs about Life, Love, relationships, band, road.
About the things that lost and the things that get found.
I was asking myself lots of questions and journalism them in some old brown paper notebooks, on napkins, on bar drink coasters.

In essence: Am I earning my stripes? Am I growing wiser? Am I learning to be affirming, not just with others but even with your own 'self." Am I able to live with the growing number of professional let-downs and betrayals...and not be bitter?
Because bitterness is a poisoning of the soul. It is always fatal.

Little did I realize then that we were headed, in a few months, into the studio with national treasure and guitar hero, Buddy Miller, to record many of these very songs as Audible Sigh. But, that's another chapter...

I sat down and recorded these 11 songs one afternoon, with "To The Roof of The Sky" Studio engineer, Tom Lewis behind the glass, rolling tape.
The voice, playing and delivery was all there.
Real acoustic magic & feel...and good memories.
Hope you enjoy the songs as much as I did this recording session.
"Sigh,"
~ bill mallonee Fall 2017

credits

released September 29, 2017

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Bill Mallonee

Bill Mallonee is an Americana artist w/ 80 plus albums over a 30 year career. Voted by Paste Music Magazine #65 in their "Top 100 Living Songwriters" poll. He was the
founding member of Vigilantes of Love. He has worked with Mark Heard, Buddy Miller, Emmylou Harris, & Peter Buck from REM.
His most recent work, "Lead On, Kindly Light" is a 23song double Cd released Feb 2020.
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